Alice Sunstrider | Clans of Light

Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2014 10:45:34 GMT

Deleted

Alice Sunstrider Apr 15, 2014 10:45:34 GMT

Quote

"would you kill someone you love because of love?"

Character Profile

✦ NICKNAME - Shadow, Black Ice

✦ ALLIANCE - Lunarisclan

✦ AGE - 22

✦ HEIGHT - 175 cm (5'9")

✦ WEIGHT - 61 kg (135 lbs.)

✦ ABILITY - Ice

Character Profile

✦ PERSONALITY -
Positive

Hard-Working
Cheerful
Punctual
Courageous
Flexible

Negative

Flirt -To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures; behaviour intended to arouse sexual interest. Minx. Tease.
Unpredictable - Difficult to foretell or foresee, their actions are so
chaotic it’s impossible to know what they are going to do next.
Seducer - To lead others astray, as from duty, rectitude, or the like;
corrupt. To attempt to lead or draw someone away, as from principles,
faith, or allegiance.
Bad Habit - A revolting personal habit. Smokes
Ignorant - Lacking knowledge or information as to a particular
subject or fact. Showing or arising from a lack of education or
knowledge. "Lack information about Dancing"

CHARACTER BACK-STORY

✦ HISTORY - Alice had no knowledge of her family at all, she had been living in a little camp for most of her life out in the wilderness, she learned to fish, hunt and even gather barries, but she were best at hunting, both Animals and Humans alike.

The people in the camp quickly grow fond of her talents with a weapon, and as the years did pass and she got older she did become so skilled they started getting scared, so they did sent her out of the Village to start her life alone, she had heard about the Lunaris clan, and started her trip heading towards the mountains.

She were a good tracker and quite good at hiding, she had no problems at providing her self with food it was not much of a problem for her to survive by her self, she soon did see the mountain that was said to hide the Lunaris clan, inside but was it true they were hiding in a mountain.

She found an opening and went inside to try see if anything were there and did spot guards around the place, and thought she were in the right place, so she went to the guards to ask if she could seek shelter in the city, and there response were just are you a spy?.

She quickly responded "i'm no spy, i just got thrown out of my village cause i got to old"

the guards just laughed at her then let her pass

(And thats how she joined )

[/div]

Post by Yumekui on Apr 15, 2014 23:05:05 GMT

Yumekui

Alice Sunstrider Apr 15, 2014 23:05:05 GMT

Quote

YOUR APPLICATION is currently pending....

✦ FORMAT - By reading the format on the original application, this should tell you the proper format to your application's thread title. Just having your first and last name is not acceptable.

✦ PICTURE/ABILITY - Your picture is fine by itself, and same with your ability. What doesn't add up is that the picture has your character controlling fire, when she is an ice ability user. Chose one or the other, either have ice as her ability and remove the fire picture, or keep the fire ability pictures, and restate the ability as fire.

✦ PERSONALITY - Seducer can, in this sense, be practically the same as a flirt. Also, there is no smoking in the two clans, so the bad habit would need to be changed to something else, or a different trait. Being ignorant needs to be specified. Ignorant about what?

✦ HISTORY - First off, take out every usage of the word, 'did'. They are unnecessary; no need to use two verbs at once such as what you're doing. Next, there is really only one main entrance to the caves. There may be a few hidden side ones, but most likely, this is the entrance your character would stumble into. Also, there isn't any guards. Lunarisclan is not a kingdom- it's a clan. It has Warriors, Menders, Hunters, and Crafters. Guards is not an assigned duty, even if warriors happen to go on boarder patrol, every so often. Perhaps Alice ran into the warriors, and they had a confrontation? On the subject of Lunarisclan, Lunarisclan is just one word. A name, not used as a noun with the would 'the' before Lunarisclan. Same would go for Solarisclan. Lunarisclan is very protective of their members, and would not allow a foreigner in so easily. Just waltzing in is impossible in Lunarisclan. You'd have more luck getting into Solarisclan the way your application is now, accepting foreigners. Unless you change the history towards already being in Lunarisclan, your chances of acceptance are actually quite slim. It can be done though, with proper thought.